The Cost of Being Right

Ya know that moment where you have every right to say “I told you so” and it feels amazing to be able to say that. Well tonight, I had that feeling of being able to say “I told you so,” but as I sit and wait for the amazing feeling that I expect will be coming any moment now to come, it hasn’t.

A few months ago, one day, and one interaction sent 3 relationships of mine, and close friends into somewhat of a tailspin. It was something that I never expected to recover from, and am not sure if I have yet. Tonight was an unexpected D-Day, where everything came to blows. The inevitable conversation between my two friends took place, both of which chose to include me in the conversation, and tell me all about it. Knowing what was taking place, I kept on thinking, I had foreseen this, but I didn’t feel great about being right.

Now, I’m wondering, so what if I was right? I didn’t gain anything from it, or at least right now, I’m at a loss when coming up with the list of things I achieved.  So I guess this is the cost of being right, a few months of emotional turmoil, and a day’s worth of wondering what’s the point…and right now, it seems like its a price I wish I didn’t have to pay…but just like that nagging telemarketer telling me I have an overdue bill…if I don’t pay it, my conscious will just keep on calling, and calling, and calling.

78656 Steps In The Right Direction

In the beginning of August, I spent a week in Toronto, CA with my very good friend and blogger, Dave. I intended, upon leaving Canada, to go down to New Jersey to spend a few days with my other good friend Sergio, before he embarked on the journey of a life time, leaving for the Peace Corps on August 17th. On Friday, the day before leaving Toronto, Sergio informed that he in fact would not be going to the Peace Corps because he was “sick.” I immediately thought he had a cold, and had to wait a week or so before flying, at which time he informed that his doctor found a lump in my lymphnodes, and believed that he was in the early stages of Lymphoma.

With this news, I left Toronto the next day, in order to spend the next month between New Jersey and Upstate New York, trying my best to be there for Sergio physically, as well as emotionally. I can not even begin to describe the emotional toll this took on me, and can’t imagine how Sergio felt about this news.

Through out the long journey of chemotherapy, and radiation, Sergio kept a very upbeat manner, generally making sure that all of his friends and family were emotionally okay with what was happening. When most people would go into an tailspin, upset at their fate, Sergio’s amazing optimism shone through, never hearing him utter the words “why did this happen to me?” A question that I dreaded, knowing I wouldn’t know the answer to it.

In December, after Sergio began his first rounds of radiation, we were elated to find that the cancer was gone, and that his doctors were making sure that it would not be back.

Now, Sergio is running a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, hoping to find a cure, so more people do not have to be affected by it in the way that we were.

Please donate if you can, no amount is too small or big. If you can’t, it’s okay too, thank you for showing your support

http://pages.teamintraining.org/snj/nj09/smoruamartinez

Fall is my favorite of all seasons

There is nothing that I dislike about fall, until it becomes the part of fall that is so close to winter that it is freezing. As of right now, fall in upstate New York isn’t something that I’ve seen in a while, so I am fully enjoying the beauty of it all. Every time I am upset, or depressed about being home (and hundreds of miles away from my closest friends) looking out my window, or going on a short 5 minute bike ride, reminds me of how lucky I am to be surrounded by the beauty that is nature. I thought I would upload some photos of a few fall things that I have been doing, in order to celebrate this wonderful season.

A visit to the pumpkin farm!

Carving pumpkins!

Living the “American Dream”

I’m not usually one for a politically charged post, but I felt it necessary today. As I watched the first 15 minutes of the presidential debate today, I found it interesting that John McCain mentioned both “the American Dream” and affordable health care in one response. Oddly enough, I planned to write this blog tonight on health care, entitled “Living the American Dream,” before John McCain’s response…we must be on the same page.

There are approximately 46 million Americans that are living without health insurance today, the United States being the only industrialized country without universal health care. 9 million of these 46 million people are children, without health insurance.

Today, I decided to write this post, because to me, it seems that I am truly living the American Dream. I just recently graduated from college, and began working a job at which I have only been for 2 weeks. I am not insured as of right now, and will not be for at least 6 months. For the past few days, I have had a bevy of health issues, including dizziness, nausea, and several other scarier things that I do not wish to write here… but it has got me thinking. A year ago, there is no way that I would not have went to the doctor when I was feeling the way I have been lately, but because I do not wish to pay a 1000 dollar plus doctor bill, I have chosen to wait out the symptoms, hoping that they go away with time. Luckily, this has been the case, and have been steadily feeling better as the days go on, but it is very scary that I actually had to make that decision. I chose to sacrifice my health, in order to avoid future debt. This choice, which I venture to guess, millions of Americans make on a daily basis, is truly living the American dream.