Before the time of blogs, I used to keep a word document that I would write in like a journal. I did this a lot my freshman year of college, but have not looked at it in a long time. Today while sitting in a cafe, I could not connect to the wireless, so I was forced to do things that did not require internet, aka. nothing. I read through this old document, and thought the first entry would have been perfect as a first blog entry for me, so I wanted to share it with all of you. And, for your reading pleasure, I will retype the entire thing, so the format doesn’t get all messed up–so I hope you all enjoy :0)
10/27/05
…and as I thought the day was going well, judging by the fact that yesterday was my first public nervous breakdown at school, I walk into the administration office. I see there’s a new newspaper here, and suddenly, there are all my insecurities literally staring me in the face. The headline reads “New Ranking–Our University–12th fattest.” A million things run through my head, all of which result in me not being able to look at the article, or let anyone see me looking at the article. I begin to think–I guess this is the problem that is the root of all my others. And there it was, written, plain and simple, ranked number 12. I can’t help but think that this at some level might be dependent solely on me. Of course it isn’t, but what if it was. Enter nervous breakdown number 2 at school…no. I could take this as a bad thing (which I’m sure for a while I will.) but this is a promise. to me. Next year, we will be the 10th, and so on. As if it were to be solely dependent on me, then I guess I’ll just have to change that, so from now on I’ll work a little bit harder and do a little better. No false promises of-gym everyday, eating completely healthy. But it can’t get worse, and I’ll take it one step at a time. Writing it down was the first step, letting it out. It may not be the complete way I should seek help, but at least its not bottling things up anymore. Even if it is just on paper…it’s a start.
In retrospect, It could have gotten worse, and it did, until I was hospitalized for 2 months my Junior year of college, for a weight related issue. I’m glad that eventually I found the strength in myself to correct this problem, and over come it. So, remember, it’s never too late, or to early to correct a problem 
I’m glad I found this letter to remind me of how far I’ve come, and how proud of myself I should be.
