Home Is Where the Heart is

Throughout my senior year of college, after the large success of the movie Garden State, a friend and I used to joke about “wanting to go home, but not knowing where home is.”  We were also mildly obsessed with the blog postsecret, and found a postsecret stating the exact same thing.  Often times when we were feeling overdramatic about something, we would joke that we were just “searching for our home” and then laugh at ourselves.

This week, I have been working 14 hour work days (I have no idea why I do this to myself), and have been making sure to take at least 5 minutes to read a portion of Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, No Death, No Fear, before venturing out on my day.  I find it gives me a little bit of perspective, and good cheer for the day that is about to come.  This morning, the portion that I read discussed never having to search for a home, because it is always within you.

The portion read “I have arrived, I am home.”  The home of the wave is water.  It’s right there.  She does not have to travel thousands of miles in order to arrive at her true home.  It’s so simple and so powerful.  I would like to invite you to memorize this little poem and to practice and remember it many times a day.  In this way you will touch the ultimate dimension and always remember your true home.” 

This little passage reminded me of my friends running joke, and how no matter how far away from home, or how much we missed people that we were away from, the moment that you are currently experiencing is the only home that you will ever need. 

 

Living the “American Dream”

I’m not usually one for a politically charged post, but I felt it necessary today. As I watched the first 15 minutes of the presidential debate today, I found it interesting that John McCain mentioned both “the American Dream” and affordable health care in one response. Oddly enough, I planned to write this blog tonight on health care, entitled “Living the American Dream,” before John McCain’s response…we must be on the same page.

There are approximately 46 million Americans that are living without health insurance today, the United States being the only industrialized country without universal health care. 9 million of these 46 million people are children, without health insurance.

Today, I decided to write this post, because to me, it seems that I am truly living the American Dream. I just recently graduated from college, and began working a job at which I have only been for 2 weeks. I am not insured as of right now, and will not be for at least 6 months. For the past few days, I have had a bevy of health issues, including dizziness, nausea, and several other scarier things that I do not wish to write here… but it has got me thinking. A year ago, there is no way that I would not have went to the doctor when I was feeling the way I have been lately, but because I do not wish to pay a 1000 dollar plus doctor bill, I have chosen to wait out the symptoms, hoping that they go away with time. Luckily, this has been the case, and have been steadily feeling better as the days go on, but it is very scary that I actually had to make that decision. I chose to sacrifice my health, in order to avoid future debt. This choice, which I venture to guess, millions of Americans make on a daily basis, is truly living the American dream.

A Time Machine

Today, when having a discussion with my favorite guru, we began to discuss my decision to have weight loss surgery.  Though I don’t necessarily enjoy “what if’s” but every once and a while, I think it’s a good idea to indulge in them.  So, we began to hypothesize the big what if of “what if you didn’t have your surgery, how do you think your life would be different?”  I think that I can safely say that every aspect of my life would be different.  I see it in the smallest things.  Two days ago, while in Syracuse, NY, I went for a walk with my friend Evan and his brother.  In upstate New York, it’s already less 30 degrees at the night, so our walk only lasted about 20 minutes, in which we indulged in smoking a clove cigarette (a guilty pleasure of mine).  As we walked around, I began to think about how not only would I not have been able to even walk the 20 minutes that we had, I would have never been able to do the two things at once.

I can’t even begin to hypothesize what I would be doing after graduating in May, had I not had my surgery.  Though I would never like to admit it, at my size two years ago, it was always a little more difficult to get a job.  Currently, I am working as a child wrangler, waiting for my time to leave for the peace corps.  Both of these things, I most definitely would not be doing.  I imagine I would be working a sedentary job, far more miserable then I am now. I would have never lived in Ithaca this summer, nor would I be doing the large amounts of traveling that I have been.  I would not be going to the gym everyday, and would more than likely not be as happy as I am today.  What If I didn’t have weight loss surgery?  I guess we will never know what would happen…. but I’m glad that I wont.

It is safe to say that if I didn’t find the strength in myself to make the decision to have weight loss surgery not only some aspects of my life, but ALL aspects of my life would be different then they are now.  Sometimes, the What if’s really make you appreciate a decision to you made, and thank the universe that it dropped you in the place you are in today.