The Things I am Thankful For.

I am currently turning into one of those people that only talk about their work.  But I guess when you go into at 3pm only to leave at 8pm…only to come back at midnight and spend the night there, there is nothing else to talk about.  I currently have no life outside of my work.

Anyway, with all my time spent lately working with children with behavioral disorders, I have become increasingly thankful of the life I am blessed with.  Obviously I am thankful that I live in a nice home, with wonderful family and friends, but I am also thankful of several other things.

Everyday, when I go into work, I walk into a war zone, with children erupting over the smallest of things, like not being able to play their game boy, or not being able to go to the gym at the exact moment that they would like.  Instead of waiting patiently, or even impatiently, the children that I work with will most likely erupt into a violent tailspin, not being able to handle the “no,” or the “in 10 minutes” that they have just received.

I pride myself on being mindful of the moments in my life, and not taking much for granted.  I try to let things roll off my back, knowing that I am the only one that can control my own emotions, making myself happy, or sad, when I decide to.  Today I realized that having the peace of mind to be able to do this, is something that I may take for granted.   Because I grew up in a household that was calm, and the only chaos I was exposed to was self inflicted by myself, and my childhood disposition, I learned to be mindful.

I am forever thankful for this.  Some of these kids never had a chance,  their stories some of the most disturbing that I’ve ever heard.  So, instead of dreading coming into work everyday, which is very easy to do with the chaotic nature of the work, I am beginning to realize that I should see it a small blessing.  A reminder of everything that I have been blessed with, big or small, tangible or intangible, and a challenge, to impart some of knowledge that I have learned on the kids that I work with.

Home Is Where the Heart is

Throughout my senior year of college, after the large success of the movie Garden State, a friend and I used to joke about “wanting to go home, but not knowing where home is.”  We were also mildly obsessed with the blog postsecret, and found a postsecret stating the exact same thing.  Often times when we were feeling overdramatic about something, we would joke that we were just “searching for our home” and then laugh at ourselves.

This week, I have been working 14 hour work days (I have no idea why I do this to myself), and have been making sure to take at least 5 minutes to read a portion of Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, No Death, No Fear, before venturing out on my day.  I find it gives me a little bit of perspective, and good cheer for the day that is about to come.  This morning, the portion that I read discussed never having to search for a home, because it is always within you.

The portion read “I have arrived, I am home.”  The home of the wave is water.  It’s right there.  She does not have to travel thousands of miles in order to arrive at her true home.  It’s so simple and so powerful.  I would like to invite you to memorize this little poem and to practice and remember it many times a day.  In this way you will touch the ultimate dimension and always remember your true home.” 

This little passage reminded me of my friends running joke, and how no matter how far away from home, or how much we missed people that we were away from, the moment that you are currently experiencing is the only home that you will ever need. 

 

A Time Machine

Today, when having a discussion with my favorite guru, we began to discuss my decision to have weight loss surgery.  Though I don’t necessarily enjoy “what if’s” but every once and a while, I think it’s a good idea to indulge in them.  So, we began to hypothesize the big what if of “what if you didn’t have your surgery, how do you think your life would be different?”  I think that I can safely say that every aspect of my life would be different.  I see it in the smallest things.  Two days ago, while in Syracuse, NY, I went for a walk with my friend Evan and his brother.  In upstate New York, it’s already less 30 degrees at the night, so our walk only lasted about 20 minutes, in which we indulged in smoking a clove cigarette (a guilty pleasure of mine).  As we walked around, I began to think about how not only would I not have been able to even walk the 20 minutes that we had, I would have never been able to do the two things at once.

I can’t even begin to hypothesize what I would be doing after graduating in May, had I not had my surgery.  Though I would never like to admit it, at my size two years ago, it was always a little more difficult to get a job.  Currently, I am working as a child wrangler, waiting for my time to leave for the peace corps.  Both of these things, I most definitely would not be doing.  I imagine I would be working a sedentary job, far more miserable then I am now. I would have never lived in Ithaca this summer, nor would I be doing the large amounts of traveling that I have been.  I would not be going to the gym everyday, and would more than likely not be as happy as I am today.  What If I didn’t have weight loss surgery?  I guess we will never know what would happen…. but I’m glad that I wont.

It is safe to say that if I didn’t find the strength in myself to make the decision to have weight loss surgery not only some aspects of my life, but ALL aspects of my life would be different then they are now.  Sometimes, the What if’s really make you appreciate a decision to you made, and thank the universe that it dropped you in the place you are in today.

A Positive Spin

When someone comes to me for advice, I often find myself telling them that no one has the power to make you angry, you can only give up that power. I also find myself giving advice that discusses the importance of knowing that you have complete control over your emotions. With this in mind, I find that I rarely take this advice for myself, and easily become hurt when someone does something to me. No matter how many times I give the advice, I find it hard to take it myself.

Yesterday, while being in a positively grumpy mood because I let a situation take control over my emotions, I began a conversation about positive mindfulness, and present awareness. There is an Japanese saying that states “Everywhere you go, there you are.” With this saying in mind, I began to think about how it is not necessary to dwell on things that have happened in the past. What is the point at staying mad about something that is making you miserable? So, by becoming mindful of the situation, I resolve to let things go, and appreciate the time that I have with the people around me. No one has the power to make you unhappy, you can only LET people do that to.