A Time Machine

Today, when having a discussion with my favorite guru, we began to discuss my decision to have weight loss surgery.  Though I don’t necessarily enjoy “what if’s” but every once and a while, I think it’s a good idea to indulge in them.  So, we began to hypothesize the big what if of “what if you didn’t have your surgery, how do you think your life would be different?”  I think that I can safely say that every aspect of my life would be different.  I see it in the smallest things.  Two days ago, while in Syracuse, NY, I went for a walk with my friend Evan and his brother.  In upstate New York, it’s already less 30 degrees at the night, so our walk only lasted about 20 minutes, in which we indulged in smoking a clove cigarette (a guilty pleasure of mine).  As we walked around, I began to think about how not only would I not have been able to even walk the 20 minutes that we had, I would have never been able to do the two things at once.

I can’t even begin to hypothesize what I would be doing after graduating in May, had I not had my surgery.  Though I would never like to admit it, at my size two years ago, it was always a little more difficult to get a job.  Currently, I am working as a child wrangler, waiting for my time to leave for the peace corps.  Both of these things, I most definitely would not be doing.  I imagine I would be working a sedentary job, far more miserable then I am now. I would have never lived in Ithaca this summer, nor would I be doing the large amounts of traveling that I have been.  I would not be going to the gym everyday, and would more than likely not be as happy as I am today.  What If I didn’t have weight loss surgery?  I guess we will never know what would happen…. but I’m glad that I wont.

It is safe to say that if I didn’t find the strength in myself to make the decision to have weight loss surgery not only some aspects of my life, but ALL aspects of my life would be different then they are now.  Sometimes, the What if’s really make you appreciate a decision to you made, and thank the universe that it dropped you in the place you are in today.

Create Your World

It seems as though the majority of the feelings we have on a daily basis are dependent on other people; someone cuts you off when driving and your day is ruined, a stranger holds the door open for you and smiles, and it suddenly gets better, a small fight with a friend, or a text message from an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can send us into an emotional tailspin. The question always arises in my head when things like this happen– Why do we (and most specifically me) give up so much emotional power to other people? There is no way to control how other people treat us, or how they interact with other people, but you can control the feelings and reactions that you have based on these interactions. No one can make you be angry or upset by something that they do, but it is possible that you let yourself become angry because of what happens. I know that there is no reason to become angry by something that someone else does, because there is no positive emotion that comes from it, but I guess that is easier said then done.

In short: There is no way to control the actions of others, so I resolve to make a conscious effort to not be upset by things that I can’t control, are unfixable, or that just aren’t worth the time. Everyday, you create your world to be whatever you want, and today… I will create a beautiful world.

(My friend Dave writes a grateful list at the end of every blog in order to realize how beautiful his world is…and today I will do my own) Today I am grateful for the sun, for Dave, for good music, good bike rides, and honey nut chex cereal.