A Time Machine

Today, when having a discussion with my favorite guru, we began to discuss my decision to have weight loss surgery.  Though I don’t necessarily enjoy “what if’s” but every once and a while, I think it’s a good idea to indulge in them.  So, we began to hypothesize the big what if of “what if you didn’t have your surgery, how do you think your life would be different?”  I think that I can safely say that every aspect of my life would be different.  I see it in the smallest things.  Two days ago, while in Syracuse, NY, I went for a walk with my friend Evan and his brother.  In upstate New York, it’s already less 30 degrees at the night, so our walk only lasted about 20 minutes, in which we indulged in smoking a clove cigarette (a guilty pleasure of mine).  As we walked around, I began to think about how not only would I not have been able to even walk the 20 minutes that we had, I would have never been able to do the two things at once.

I can’t even begin to hypothesize what I would be doing after graduating in May, had I not had my surgery.  Though I would never like to admit it, at my size two years ago, it was always a little more difficult to get a job.  Currently, I am working as a child wrangler, waiting for my time to leave for the peace corps.  Both of these things, I most definitely would not be doing.  I imagine I would be working a sedentary job, far more miserable then I am now. I would have never lived in Ithaca this summer, nor would I be doing the large amounts of traveling that I have been.  I would not be going to the gym everyday, and would more than likely not be as happy as I am today.  What If I didn’t have weight loss surgery?  I guess we will never know what would happen…. but I’m glad that I wont.

It is safe to say that if I didn’t find the strength in myself to make the decision to have weight loss surgery not only some aspects of my life, but ALL aspects of my life would be different then they are now.  Sometimes, the What if’s really make you appreciate a decision to you made, and thank the universe that it dropped you in the place you are in today.

The Most Important Anniversary

A year ago today, I had my surgery. Though this seems to be the only thing that I write about on my blog, you all can rest assure that it is not the only thing that I think about, it just is the most important. Looking back on the year, there have been many physical changes that have occured in my life (obviously). The most important being… the loss of the weight of a little more then a weight of more then the average adult male.

When thinking back on the year, there is nothing that I would have done differently. A few days ago, a friend of mine asked me “What is your favorite thing to do now, that you couldn’t have imagined doing a year ago?” After thinking about this, I responded “Everything.” When thinking about it, there is a million different things that I do now that I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to a year ago…including going for a walk for leisure, or going grocery shopping by myself. A year ago, I was extremely uncomfortable going anywhere by myself. In the same respect, the things that I was always able to do before (of which I can’t really think of an example right now) are done with a completely new outlook on life. With the surgery, the emotional changes that have occurred in my life have far outweighed the physical changes. And on this day, a year later…there is nothing I would have done differently.

The Easy Way Out

About a year ago, I had gastric bypass surgery, which was the most significant change that I have ever made in my life. Many times people will call this “the easy way out,” thinking that it is something that people do when they don’t want to change their eating habits, or can’t control themselves. If you can’t control your eating habits yourself, and learn to lose weight naturally, then have a surgery for it. I can’t say I never thought that…and that I didn’t think that having a surgery would be a cure-all for what I believed was the root of all the problems I had ever encountered. Now that I have gone through this for a year, I can say that people that think this is an easy way out have never been more wrong.

Gastric bypass is not a surgery that changes your mindset, if your main reason for being overweight is emotional eating…then it can’t be fixed by a physical surgery. Through the decision to have this surgery I not only have had to learn to be disciplined in working out (because the weight simply doesn’t melt off…you have to work for it), but I’ve also had to learn, and relearn how to eat correctly. The most important, and hardest change that one has to overcome is learning to deal with the problems that occur in a persons life in a different way. Which I believe has been the hardest, and best lesson that I have learned through this process. By learning how to deal with situations in a healthy, way, I (and I suspect many other people going through the same thing) have learned that stress and emotion are purely controlled by the person that is experiencing them. No one can make you upset unless you let them do so. Over and over again, I have told myself this, and had to learn and relearn it…the hard way.

By being thrust into these changes through a surgery, I have learned more about health, nutrition, and more importantly myself, then I ever would have otherwise. I applaud anyone who chooses to make the decision to become healthier both physically and emotionally, because I know it isn’t the easy way out, It is harder then anyone can ever imagine.

A little Weight, A huge piece of mind…

About 6 months ago,  I had gastric bypass surgery, which was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make.  In the past 6 months, I’ve lost a little more than the ideal weight of a 25 year old, 6 foot man.  There are many good things that have come out of this, most obvious, an improvement in my health.

Before my surgery, I was very nervous about the changes that would occur in my body, because I loved the person I was.  I spent all of high school dealing with being different, and throughout college had learned to embrace it.  It wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to let that person go.  And now I realize it’s the biggest gift I have ever recieved: weight.  By having the opportunity of being obese, and also a “normal” weight, or at least on my way to it, I have been able to hone the qualities that I found most endearing in a person.  I also was able to learn at a very young age that it doesn’t matter what a person looks like and not to judge by appearances, the way that most people did with me.

The most important lesson I learned is that you have to love yourself, before anyone else can love you.  Happiness lies completely within the individual.  No one else can make, or break it for you, without your permission.  Throughout high school, I cursed the body that I was “given” and now I realize that it has made me a stronger, better person.  By embracing this, and myself, I have learned to love the person I am, no matter what my present weight is.